You're Twisted Too. What's Your Damage?

Because if you didn't find any amusement in some kind of twisted humor, you probably wouldn't be following this blog. Well, today we're talking about a particular category of twisted humor - Accidental Humor.

Now, this has the potential to create some conflicting feedback due to the nature of some the accidental shit I'm about to elaborate on here, and you may find yourself saying "But pixi, there's nothing funny about wheelchair accidents."

Well, put aside all that sucks about it (and yes it does, and we know it does) & focus on funny (because there's funny in everything, there has to be), and yes there is something funny about it, just ask my mom (or your mom). That's mines favorite kind of humor.

In fact, I had to go through hell to find her an episode of "A Thousand Ways to Die" because I made the mistake of telling her somebody in a wheelchair rolled down a ramp smoking a cigarette with an oxygen tank & blew up. I think it made her year. But it worked out for both of us. She loves wheelchair accidents, I love explosions. True mother-daughter bonding time!


But don't tell me if you were sitting in front of your TV, with peripheral view of your picture window, and somebody fell out of a tree in your front yard & thumped on your lawn like a sack of potatoes, you wouldn't piss your pants. I know, or call the police.


But I'd like to argue that we all have some kind of Three Stooges type shit that just tickles our funny bone to tears. Those guys weren't so damn funny for their time for no good reason.

For some it may be explosions or stunts gone wrong. For others it may be people falling down stairs, or people being hit by cars (and obviously surviving unscathed, or you'd just be a sinister sicko, and there is a fine line)


As I've already given away my secret, we'll start with the first one.....

EXPLOSIONS! - How many times I rewound the video of the day some friends & I got together with some Warhead Launchers & Melons was disturbing, laughing till I cried every time. I don't know if I'll ever know what it is.

 

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EVERYTHING about explosions is funny. Cept' when they kill thousands of people, but remember this post is about flowers & funny. And a lil bit about explosive diarrhea as well.

Admittedly, as a youngster I never laughed at the clown, though I laughed at the pie in the face simply because it made a BAM sound & basically exploded in the scary fucking clown's face.

But if you wanted to see a child such as me amused (or laughing like a crazy hyena) for hours, you would have given me a toy like this.

 True story.

 And that's how kids grow up to be terrorists, folks.

Aaand now I just totally gave myself away.

(Can you say that on the Internet? Should I lock my doors?)

Anywho, next up.....

FALLING! - You people are fuckin' sick. But hey, like I said, I'm not gonna judge. Something about it strikes you as inexplicably funny as explosions do for me. Okay, and A LOT of times it's funnier than fuckin' HELL. Or funny as all hell. I don't wtf's ever been funny about hell.

It's just that being that I'm 28 yet on some days feel like a f-ing 80 year old with osteoarthritis (& a medical buff, always have to be the one to take care of every dumb ass mofo), I'm just afraid of falling, and particularly that my life will end on a staircase. No, I'm not clumsy in bed. Just frail, okay.

Look at him GO!

(Now, sadly, as traumatic & gruesome it would be & the years of therapy it would take to heal, if his head were like that of a watermelon & exploded all over the stairs, I'd maybe pee my pants a lil. Strictly from explosive impact, which is highly unlikely)

Now tell me you've seen a grown man purposely sled down the stairs, but unintentionally get up to speeds of 90mph as you swore smoke bellowed from his asshole, because I know that was the closest I ever truly came to peeing my pants in my adult years.

I talk a lot about peeing my pants, huh. Great expression. Is it awkward for you?

Now you should know that it wasn't exactly the stunt itself that triggered the response (nor the magic mushrooms that night), but the fact that his head smacked. every. step on the way down. Oh LORDY!!

Keep it together my ass.

Or it's like watching your girlfriend fly sideways through the air like a human Frisbee with wings, off of a skateboard, and classic belly flop out onto the middle of the street as her board flies through the air in the opposite direction, heading for the window of a nearby truck.

And you know she's probably really hurt, but you're still falling apart on the sidewalk, unable to even catch your breath or move because WTF was THAT?!

We're all going to hell, but it sounds like a fun place, doesn't it.

Onward....

MOBILE ACCIDENTS - And not necessarily limited to automobiles, but mobility of many kinds; Go-Karts, flying saucers, roller skates.

This shit is pure gold, and we all fucking know it. 

Now I recall getting run over by a sled & being in an eye patch like a sad pirate for three weeks, but according to Google this is more common on a sled/saucer/what have you...

Turkey's Done!

OH! You're fucked.

What is it that we all love so much about that helpless forward stumbling motion of a dip shit falling on roller skates.

Though, oddly enough, I had one hell of a time finding pics of dip shits falling forward on roller skates, so I had to go with drunken roller slut seeing it was much more pleasant than the monsters of the roller derby. (I think I just came up with a good 2012 calendar)

Or why is it always the smaller the vehicle, the funnier the crash.

BOUNCE, you rolling lil sausage! Watch your vertebrae. It's all fun & games till someone gets a metal plate & a Percocet addiction.

 

And for another old favorite....

THE WALL/OBJECT CRASH - IMPACT (Which kind of goes hand & hand with all the above)

People driving into & through things, or people themselves hitting or going through walls, etc...

He's a person too, man, and he will fuck you UP!

 More of that BANG that tickles me so much. My whole life I've been crashing into things for entertainment purposes, whether it be on sleds, Rollerblades, bikes, skateboards, jumping over fences, yes, even throwing myself down stairs to make people laugh as a wee wee one.

Sure I was a normal child. Out of all my 10,000 nicknames over the years, lil crash cup was a classic. I was going for more of a stunt girl thing, but whatever.

There's got to be some I'm missing, I'm sure. I called my mother with this subject earlier just cause I knew it would make her day & her comments were endless, even getting into hot air balloon accidents.

I think I covered I the basics. What does it to you?
Unless you've never laughed at an accident in your life. In which case you should probably stop reading & join a convent.

Cuz I heart explosions. <3