Asshat Dork Disorder? (OMG, Candy Balls!)

Or in MY case, better known as Adult A.D.D.

(There are monkeys on monkey bars, playing inside my head like a jungle gym right. now.)

 My silly, hairy lil friends. They're so goddamn funny.......until they bite someones face off. Why always with the face?

Regardless, I was one of them too you know, transported from laboratory to laboratory as shrinks watched me throw building blocks & beach balls around the room, and you know what the last one told me?

"I think you are suffering from adult attention deficit disorder."

This is where the Price Is Right theme song starts going through my head.

Omg, Sherlock, I think you're onto something because the whole time we've been sitting here I've been racing  down the highway in some type of bat mobile to some Top Gun type shit, maybe even traveling another country, maybe wearing flying goggles again, in my mind, and by the way how much are they paying you because I don't think I'm the one suffering here.

Trying to explain ADD in detail while also being a victim of it is kind of like having a strobe light seizure & feeling compelled to hang yourself with your own tongue.

(That was a lil too gruesome, even for me, and pretty much downright disturbing.)

Or maybe it's like being pumped full of coffee till it explodes out your eyes & ears.

(It's probably not like either of those.)

Omg, people, holy random Fabio nose bleed on a roller coaster & an apple pie, where was I?

Yes.......... Moments I knew when it had finally escalated out of hand.

*Peering at the TV for hours*

"Aaaaahahaha! You're laughing. Did you see that?"

"What?"

*Continues to gaze deeply into the TV screen*

"What's going on?"

"Are you even paying attention?"

"OH.....Uhhhh........nno."

"WTF?!?"

Honestly, I think that's because your company just bored me & I was busy thinking about having fun & horsin' around & things that involve fire & adrenaline & shit. More than likely something involving monkeys (or bananas) as well. Or things very similar to both.

A.D.D - For the depressed, easily bored & distracted, both? You decide.

But you know when I feel particularly insecure of it at times lately?

I love to read other blogs, and it's extraordinarily rare that a blog ever bores me because I love & appreciate all the differences & different walks of life, but it's so hard for me to sit & read anything for too long.

 (God bless mobile devices. Makes it a lil better. It actually HELPS sometimes to have other things going on around me. Somehow, this actually helps me focus better on what I'm intending to.)

So it's irritating when I go to read, intend to catch up, get through an older yet still recent post, comment, intend to get through & comment on the next one as well & OHMYGODLETMEFINDTHATMACNCHEESERECIPE!

And the next thing I know I'm in the middle of a Velveeta stare down & it went from reading & laughing a great post to sailing the seas of cheese with kaleidoscope eyes, milking cows & traveling to cheese factories around the world, and "if you fed a cow a whole shit ton of Hershey's syrup, would it squirt chocolate milk?".

(Kaleidoscope Cheese Wheel was the name of my old imaginary garage band. Or rather, now I realize it should have been.)

How cool would it be if the cracker crumbs were lil shipwrecked boats?

And then when asked what happened to the eagerly awaited side dish explain how I had to save my friends.

"Sorry everybody, we're eating out tonight, but it would only be right to have a moment of silence for all those men lost at sea."

And everyone says "WTF?!"

And you plead insanity. Because you can now, and aside from pretty much being the truth, it saves you from being that flaky blond chick.

Meanwhile, that page I was last on before my mind (& feet) shot up like a rocket is still open in my browser as I'm more than likely shooting silly string around the yard in a colander helmet, or WHO KNOWS?! Sadly, I'm not trying to be funny. I've always been like this.

If I could control the ADD, you'd be the last ones I'd ever "flake out" on, so here's where I extend my apologies If I ever have.

The relentless bastard has me in it's grip. Maybe it's the impairment for those with a lust for adrenaline, or rather, the completely crazy. Either way, (until the right cure or medication, at least) I'm stuck with it.

Aww, it loves me.

(On a serious note: I realize this IS a disorder that's not so funny when it's truly affecting your life as it has mine. I just look at the lighter, humorous side of everything, that's my thing. So don't think I'm not understanding any of you out there who's lives have been affected by A.D.D.)

Now go fetch these keys!! You know you want to.