I know I seem odd to some for my fear of balloons, but honestly, things could be weirder.
I have a fear of balloons because they can be dangerous & I have 10 million mini heart attacks in that moment one of those things pops. I'll be sure to attend no birthday parties if I live to be 80-90. Death by balloons? Nio thank you.
(My mother used to fear balloons & dogs & she once babysat for these kids that kept sending their violent lil Chihuahua to chase her around the table while they popped balloons all over the place. Needless to say she ran home crying.)
However, Billy's reference towards balloon tits & penises in his last comment did remind me that I do love balloon animals. Maybe their likeliness to pop a whole lot less has something to do with it too.
(In honor of Billy. Obviously someone out there knows what a fun time is. Mr. Happy is the perfect gift for your neighbor's doorstep. Puts a whole new spin on ding dong ditch.)
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| Who ISN'T going to love making silly or angry balloon penises? |
According to our almighty lord, Google, this is the true definition of balloon penis....
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| I added the Groucho glasses. His bush was a lil offensive in the first place. |
Though I did not intend for this to turn into a post about penises & balloon games, so moving on already.....
This balloon thing is about to get a lot less weird.
I know people who fear giraffes, marshmallows, butterflies, pennies.
(And I LOVE them for making me feel a whole lot less crazy.)
Thankfully, some of these fears seem to have much validation, so I guess it's good that I know a lil more than just a bunch of mentally insane people.
"The Giraffe Ate My Jacket"
(A tale of zoo animals, Finkelstein shit kids, and terror)
My best friend growing up, Kerri (A.K.A. Karl Malone), was a lil bastard of a kid. She would run her mouth, taunt things, always do stupid shit for a laugh, and from about the age of 6-10 Kerri had a mushroom cut to boot. She was a lil terror with a bad ass (but funny) haircut & a bad attitude.
One day Karl was at the zoo, standing outside the giraffe exhibit, totally leaving out the fact that she was probably taunting the shit out of this animal. I can hear it now "Haha, longy long neck, ugly ass giraffe, you want a piece of me?!"
Well, I guess before Kerri knew it this giraffe had her by the jacket, literally eating it off her body as this giant ass animal is slamming the lil bastard against the fence that stood between them, floppy mushroom cut n' all.
Kerri had managed to slip out of the jacket just in time but was left scarred for life.
And considering I had now idea about the normal behaviors of these things until now, I would be too.
| Horny, Hungry Giraffes Gone Wild. |
Luckily for her the chances of being sexually assaulted by the giraffe were probably slim considering that according to Sodahead, 50% of all male giraffes are homosexual.
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| Turns out he probably just wanted her jacket for his village people shindig. (I bet you that horses name is Ralph.) |
Unfortunately, I have no explanations for the marshmallows, butterflies, pennies, and other things people have personally told me they are afraid of.
So here's where we turn the rest of the work over to the phobia list. Take it away, lunatics....
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
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| Log dude isn't half as frightening as flying placenta guy. I can take that asshole in the middle, but happy, flying placenta is just too fucking creepy. |
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| "Dicks." |
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
So, what are you afraid of - Cake, nipples, maybe this post?
(I fear tighty whities as well. I can deal with them if I have to but they're f'n scary. I'm sorry.)
