Farkle! There's Yahtzee All Over Me, & I'm Headed Down South

Farkle.

I don't know WTF it is, but it stands out, doesn't it?

As in "I farkled all over your face".

"I farkled IN your face".

"I farkled my way to the top".

"I farkled your sister at the laundry mat".

"You shut yer goddamn farklehole!"

And I'm looking at this shit thinking "God, this game's gotta be fuckin' great!"

What if someone goes into like, a Farkle fuckin' fit of rage & grabs you during game play, farkles your shirt all up, & starts farkling off at the mouth....

This is one of those things you gotta play in a bullet proof vest apparently.

Then there are probably different variations of Farkle. Like "Street Farkle", "Farkle All-Stars", and "Farkle Your Mom, She Doesn't Call Me Anymore". Parker Brothers is working on a deal, or an LP.

All I know about Farkle is it's a cup with some dice.

I'm Farkle, and I'm farkin' purple, and if you got a farkin' problem with that I'll farkle your farklin'  face off."

Yet it has one of the best f'n names EVER!

And it's said there are a lot of risks inside that box, so Farkle is somewhat like a hooker too.

And then this lil risk-taker came along & had EVERYTHING to do with Farkle, according to Google.

If I didn't know what Farkle was, but saw this as my first result it would be pretty self-explanatory.

Apparently when a gnome takes a crap it's a Farkle. 

You learn something new everyday.

Which makes me wonder what unicorn manure would do to my garden.

So, next time you see yourself face to face with this wonder, ask yourself  "Farkle.......Why?.... Who sent you?"

It's a magic word. Like, every time you say it, you feel like there should be a glittery trail of fuck sparkling behind it.

I have no idea what that means. 

Or why I'm writing any of this.

A. Giant. Fuck. Rainbow!

Farkling in the sun.

(Sometimes I go into gaming mode & last week was one such time, and after standing in the aisles of Target in a daze, this word started to rape my mind. I could feel it violating me from the shelf, and knew what had to be done. Farkle, I shall commemorate you on ye olde blog, then expose you for the rapist that you are.)

...................................................

Anywho.

Now that I've gotten something off my chest that's been on my mind for weeks after a night of staring this phenomenon square in the face & then watching a game of Monopoly get nasty & go down for 6+ hours & nearly involve the mob....

He looks nice, doesn't he? Cute lil mustache midget with a bow tie, can't seem to find his monocle?

Wait till you don't pay him his money & let his hooker's corners go to shit & next thing you know you're riding to a hospital with one arm, squashed between this Grey Poupon eatin' muthafucka & a loan shark named Barry, getting ready to tuck & roll.

let's get onto the south part already...

Flaaaahrida.

Aside from the gators & the weird shit, my other home.

It seems as though I'll either be driving or flying down within the next week.

I'll keep you posted.

Don't Farkle yourself too much while I'm gone.

How About A Mad-Lib Monday (On A Tuesday)...

Because whatever, and I came up with the idea too late in the day, and the sun isn't up yet, and I'm just a rule breaker.

(Or did I come up with this idea? You never know who's already thought up of something.)

So, I got home, did some for fun & these were the classic winners.


So, I started out emphasizing the words I chose & then I just came to the conclusion I'm too demented & that it looks way funnier if I actually don't emphasize, but rather if it's just read naturally.....

Personal Ad:

"I enjoy long, hairless walks on the beach, getting porked in the rain and serendipitous encounters with lizards. I really like piña coladas mixed with pee, and romantic, candle-lit sharks with laser beams. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Wayne Newton. I travel frequently, especially to burker king, when I am not busy with work. (I am a shoe shiner.) I am looking for cheese and beauty in the form of a Hungarian goddess. She should have the physique of Joan Rivers and the hot dog of Princess Peach. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my shoes. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 69 days ago, and I have since become more incoherent"

War:

"It was during the battle of sasquatch when I was running through a corn field when a dildo went off right next to my platoon. Our hooker yelled for us to ass-pound to the nearest trailer we could find. When we got to the trailer we farted to start a fire. As we were starting the fire the enemy saw the rhino from the fire and started honking sweater puppets at us. we all quickly ducked behind the chicken at the trailer and returned fire. we quickly eliminated the enemy and were FUBAR'd that we had won the battle."

Romeo & Juliet

"Two testicles, both alike in dignity,
In fair Hoboken, where we lay our scene,
From ancient shart break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross`d fish tacos take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their water balloon bury their parents` strife.
The fearful passage of their retarded love,
And the continuance of their parents` rage,
Which, but their children`s end, nought could smack,
Is now the 420 hours` traffic of our stage;
The which if you with smoked scrotum attend,
What here shall molest, our toil shall strive to mend."

                                                                                                       

 Okay, I have the humor of a strange child at times, but I get a damn kick out of these things, and yep, it had me laughing just like a child.