Bacon With Extra Bacon and A Side of Insanity

Hiding in my drafts for about a week. When pretty much all other protein packed dead animal products had turned me off, I wrote an ode to the one that could probably cause war as much as world peace -

The Power of Bacon Compels You

(And it seems like it's just about time for meds.)

With all the things these days, as well as throughout history, that can & do tear humans apart, there is very little that seems to actually bring us together in total peace, love, and understanding.

(And I know what you haters who have just read the above are thinking here, but just hold your war waging horses & try to make it to the last sentence. There is cake at the end of that rainbow. And if you don't like cake, go eat some shrubs or some shit.)


We could say we have the internetz to bring us together & to help us connect & understand each other best, but we all know the drama, hate, and conflict that environment can breed in some corners of it as well. A pretty ugly list that just goes on with merit to how such a thing can be detrimental if not correctly under the control of one's own logic.

(Much like bacon, which pretty much makes that last paragraph irrelevant, as it does my former comment about war. Goddamn PETA freaks & occult vegetarians!)

Then there's the fact that, yes, unfortunately, tragedy seems to bring humans the closest to universal peace & understanding. The issue here is that the underlying factors are nothing to be joyous about, to say the least.

But there is something.....

Something that unites such a large percentage of us, that we all can agree on, that seems to bring us together in exuberant joy AND understanding.

(Sorry, vegetarians & pork haters everywhere. Here's where you want to grab a nice magazine & sit out in the waiting room. You can't start a revolution with carrots. And I certainly don't mean to offend, but clearly you don't understand the power of this thing I speak of.)


I'm talking, of course, about......

Love at first ass

That's right, lil fellar - BACON!!

Bacon is Love.

Bacon is Hope.

Bacon is Understanding.

Bacon is Sacrifice.

Bacon..............is even Sex.

Bacon is Life.

YEAH..............Soyfucker.

In fairly recent article from  msnbc.com  it is stated that "America's favorite breakfast meat is a top growing search trend" and even discusses the new demand for bacon novelties.

 "A year and a half ago, in a post titled "Ok Internet, Let’s Let the Bacon Meme Go," Feminist blog Jezebel pointed to the Keds bacon shoe as “what just might be the final stop on the 'OMG BACON' Express."  Alas, less than a month later fellow Gawker Media tech blog Gizmodo, in a post about a Space Invaders-themed "Bacon Bits" T-shirt, stated the reality: "We've all underestimated the power of the recent bacon movement."

Turns out, the "OMG BACON Express" is a high sodium, fat-laden runaway train unstoppable even by Denzel Washington and that guy who played Captain Kirk in the J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" reboot."

Love me. You know you want to.

So I'm gonna say it again - With bacon we can all rejoice alongside its greasy, smoked hickory ass in joy, unity & world peace.
(That's of course if we send all the haters & farm animal muff lovers to Mars. Or just give them cake for world peace.)

Not liking bad, unhealthy things near my diet - Definitely not.

Giving up the meat of life - Complete crazy talk.

It's not the nutrition factor we're focusing on here. It's the magic.


(Oh, and vegetarians & pork protesters, just so you're not left out of the whole love & unity thing, we'll have cake for unity. If you're a vegan, I can't help you. I can't make a vegan cake. That's fucked up.)