But lemme explain why I failed.
Blogging tends to suck me in. It tends to take up a lot of my time between thinking/writing up posts, keeping up with all readers & other blogs, finding & getting sucked into new ones, etc... It sucks me into this never ending online web. I've yet to find my perfect balance. Maybe it's this ADHD, and always being onto some new project.
Blogging tends to suck me in. It tends to take up a lot of my time between thinking/writing up posts, keeping up with all readers & other blogs, finding & getting sucked into new ones, etc... It sucks me into this never ending online web. I've yet to find my perfect balance. Maybe it's this ADHD, and always being onto some new project.
This summer's line up of events has been non-stop, on top of the fact that when this season hits, I go into another mode entirely. I just couldn't keep up with it all at once, esp. the sitting at the computer so much with so many beautiful days to enjoy. I had to put something down for a while. Unfortunately, that something had to be the blogging.
The chain of events has been non-stop - Lung Surgery Recovery > Florida > Sister's Bridal Shower & Wedding Preparation > Music Festival > Best Friend Visiting from England > Wedding Coming Up > Birthday Coming Up, and still possibly yet another music festival followed by yet another Florida vacation, so even though I've made a pact to myself to return to blogging, there still may be no end in sight to this streak of events that's added to keeping me off the internets so much.
I know that doesn't seem like much to hold me back or keep me busy, but there's plenty going on in between all that as well, trust me.
So, I took a summer vacation. I had to.
In fact, I don't even know where to begin here, which stories of my triumphs, trials, and tribulations to even share first, so I guess I'll bore you right now by starting with the bridal shower & the garden of roid raged doom.
My sister is marrying Bozo the clown this weekend.
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| Actual picture of what I predict on the wedding day. |
I have to stop myself from making a speech at this wedding similar to Steve Buscemi's in The Wedding Singer, and I know in my already anticipating the drunkenness heart, that is going to be an impossibility because I am a goddamn bastard.
And there's surely some good goddamn comedy behind this whole scenario, but like lots of things brought up here, that's another story for another time.
I can't write a novel here. You'd all be throwing tomatoes at your monitors, and that's a damn bad waste of good tomato sauce.
In this chain of events my sister decided she wanted me to make her a cupcake tower for her bridal shower, and I was up for 4 days straight making 3 different kinds of cakes, chocolate hearts covered in edible glitter, and running a bakery out of my goddamn house.
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| Is this all hypnotizing you? Cupcakes make you happy in the pants, don't they? Well, don't get too excited. There's broccoli involved in this post. |
Master professional-like baker? You bet your ass.
("The Mad Baker" is the name)
Yet another story for another time? You bet your ass, but it's coming soon with the holiday season ahead.
Let's move onto some news about this jungle in my pants, shall we?
Sorry, I mean, my garden. Yard. Fuck, whatever!
(Martha Stewart will never have the class I can possess.)
The Power of Shit
Cow shit that is.
We're going to go through a series of photos here taking a look at the progression, but keep in mind, it's going to get pretty fucked up at some point here. I seemed to have misjudged spacing just a bit this year.
*Bites tongue*
Now.....
Do you see it? The perfect formation, perfect spacing?
Now....Listen to me. Listen good.
Do not put tomato plants in your garden, esp. when you have every space filled in with something else you had mapped & planned perfectly, and also in soil filled with a high-strength fertilizer.
There are 5 separate boxed off lil gardens & 3 of them are now 1. They've merged, kind of like Trapper Keeper 5,000.
Somehow....
Everything is still growing under all this, from the watermelons to the cauliflower, butternut squash, pickling cucumbers, beans & pea pods. Every single thing, and without a mark or bite on it from the Super Seven.
(Get your hands on some of that shiz. Not one pest issue all season.)
After it was weeded. Clearly fishing for the fruited vegetables is a delicate get your face bitten off situation.
(Lil mosquitos & bees, sure, but mind you, there could be sharks in there. I thought I saw a bear all lost in there once, and we all know, where there are bears there are sharks.)
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| After the hurricane, unfortunately. Blown over squash stems & a few snapped zucchini stems, but sure enough this jacked up, roid enraged garden survived. |
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| Hell yeah, I grew my own lettuce. But that garden is a lil too sad looking & picked over right now to see. |
How about one of my cow shit zucchinis over a store bought zucchini...
Invest in cow shit, people!!
Can't go on forever here can I?
Also, I had to start somewhere.
We'll just have to see how I keep up.
If there is ever a shortage of food I am coming to your place. It is like a freakin grocery store!! lol.
ReplyDeleteIt truly is. Haha! Wait till next year. ;~} =)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about finding a perfect balance. It's all about time management if you ask me. And goddamn bananas if that ain't the best garden I've seen in a long time! Martha Stewart eat your Bozo lovin' ass out!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back to blogging, and I can say that my garden had delusions of grandeur, and has yet to produce many edibles this year... but it looks like the wife and I did less work on it than you did on yours.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Static! I take that as a real compliment. =) I am proud of my jacked up steroid garden. I agree about the time management too.
ReplyDeleteHey, Doc. Long time no see. I gotta tell ya, I learned it's all about mixing that manure into the soil & using that Super Seven to keep the pests away. =)
Hey there, LilPixi!
ReplyDeleteOkay, y'all caught my interest at, "Blogging tends to suck me in." Now then, now that my visual has passed, where was I? Oh yeah, super apologies n' stuff for not visiting your latest posting at an earlier time. It's really neat to have you do another posting and my goodness, when you do a posting, there is a serious amount of photos and captions. I'm very impressed with your gardening expertise. My garden and in particular, my vegetable patch, has been a disaster, this 'summer'. Actually, what effin' summer.
So, is the zucchini or as the Brits call it, courgette, for consumption as food, eh? :)
I made a zucchini calzone with one of em', and a chocolate zucchini cake last year. Most of them go to family.
ReplyDeleteAnd I will accept no such apologies for such a thing, Gary. hehe. ;~}
Hey let me know if you'd like any gardening tips. I've learned a hell of a lot over the past few years. XoX
First off sorry that I am late to the party, I’m honestly
ReplyDeletenot getting my own back for your absence from the internet and I feel really guilty after badgering* you to make sure you were still alive. Being an avid reader (apart from when I don’t make it to the internet) I feel a certain responsibility for you (purely selfish reasons) and I want to make sure that should your lungs collapse again the “International lung re-inflation service” reaches you with months to spare…..
* Talking of which, did I catch a glimpse of a badger in the middle of your tomato inferno, it was being chased by that cross dressing tiger – top half tiger bottom half Zebra, very strange, can normally be found playing chess with the violin playing Aardvark over by the courgettes
Now I’m sure your sister’s wedding was nothing like it but your description of it made me think of “Rachel getting Married”. If you substitute rehab for Lung hospital incarceration you could have played the Anne Hathaway role…. We watched it a couple of nights ago, Mrs B picking it because she wanted to watch something light and funny….We certainly got that wrong and after 20 minutes I had to remove any sharp objects from Mrs B’s vicinity to stop her killing herself…. Despite the intense misery we watched it through to the end too stunned to turn it off….We are now having to go to therapy to put some happiness back into our lives...
As for the vegetable garden from hell** a bit more warning next time, I’m currently typing this with my head stuck down the Loo, as convulsions lash back and forth across my offended meat fed stomach….
Indecently Mrs B planted 4 Tomato plants in a 2” square raised bed by the backdoor in spring– we currently no longer have access to said backdoor, occasionally we hear brave Knights hacking around in there, looking for Sleeping Beauty… This is inevitably followed by the odd roar and chomping noise as Baresharks – these should not be confused with Bearsharks, who are large and fuzzy and who swim around overgrown vegetable patches biting people heads off – these are much worse, they swim around flashing at people causing them so much distress that they eat themselves starting from the feet up (personally I like to keep my cheese course until the end …)
** Purely because vegetables are my great nemesis in life – I had to go out and eat three pigs, a cow and a Chinese migrant worker (It’s ok it does not count as cannibalism as he was a vegetarian and you know what they say “You are what you eat”***).
*** Turns out it’s true, I’ve subsequently shrunk to 5’2”, developed a yellow tan and started calling myself Mr Chin, I’m also in the process of changing the name of the blog to BrackROG…..****
****That’s 52 Billion people insulted and somewhat reduced the wide world appeal for the BlackLOG…. To be honest I’m not worried, I was always a bit anxious that the Chinese community might target McG and Mischief for one of their dishes….Cat whisker soup.. a great delicacy….
P.S. I Have missed you…. No pressure but if you don’t carry on regular blogging think of the other poor innocent bloggers out there who get this drivel posted in their comments when you are not about….basically you are providing a public service keeping other bloggers safe from my inane meanderings…
I don't even know where to begin. I'm 5'2", and there are baresharks in my garden. They're very similar to the harlet shark, but they like to mate behind the tomatoes with the zebras...Those zebras sleep with anything. Sluts of nature.
ReplyDeleteAh, now you see....this is why you have a bareshark problem. Mrs. B planted those tomatoes.
The way I see it is...if we don't perfect the agricultural science of genetically mutated killer vegetables on steroids with machine guns, wtf are we gonna do when the robots come? Or the zombies? You think a zombie's gonna want the blood of a goddamn eggplant? No. It's GENIUS!
The wedding was a very happy & fun type of sad. Not so much sad, just emotional, like an episode of Oprah where they all dance & eat cake & cry tears of joy & alcohol. No wait, not Oprah. That so isn't as much fun as a good fuckin' wedding.
P.S. The international lung re-inflation service should have been there for me when State Farm was surely not.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've missed you too. All my blogging buddies. I may finally just get some time now.
Please tell me that the wedding was not held in a sad motel by an airport....Long story but when we missed our connection in Canada a few years back we ended up at the Motel from hell - which was bad enough to be shoved in between flights but to hold your wedding reception there....
ReplyDeleteAir-Canada-I-really-really-really-mean no
…Covering my basis, if your Sister did happen to hold her wedding reception at an airport motel I’m sure it was a nice one….
I wish your sister and her man (or woman, I don’t wish to be judgemental here and having been to our first gay wedding last year, I like to think open minded…) a long and happy life together and if they can squeeze half as much into their lives together as Mrs B and I seem to manage they might consider therapy to get them through it….
I forgot to mention about the Zebra's, they are not sluts they just happen to have lower moral standards than your average Jerry Springer guest and are just desperate to please…. I blame the Lions who have been pimping them for years….
ReplyDeleteAs for the zombie eating eggplants, I’m going out to get some as soon as we get home from Mauritius – The second series of “The Walking Dead” is on in October and I want to plant them in front of the TV in case any of them manage to get out like last time. It took me weeks to get the blood stains out of the floor and I hear that the “Zomeater” eggplant has a self cleaning function….
I HAVE GARDEN ENVY! Cow shit IS the secret to a pest free, thriving garden. Do you fertilize too, and if so what do you use? And....let me just say.....coolest cupcake tower ever! I like how you lung-ed(get it?) forward after your bout with the hospital this spring. Quite inspirational Lil Pixi.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're doing well, and I'm happy to catch up with you here.
@Niel-, They need therapy now. They needed it ages ago. He does act very much like a girl as well.
ReplyDeleteThat is an ingenious idea with the eggplants in front of the TV too, my friend.
Stupid zebras. They're just so gullible.
@Rebecca - Thank you, sweetheart. So good to see you around again. Ya know, can you believe it? I only used the manure in the garden soil, nothing else. In the pots, I used a mix of peet, manure, and miracle grow soil, but the ones in the ground are doing better. I saved the plants from the pests with the Super Seven pesticide.
Also, thank you. A few people have said that and ya can't keep a hobbyist down. =)
P.S. I am failing SO badly at this, but I've still been keeping myself so plenty busy, which I think doesn't make sense grammatically, but I promise I'm doing rounds & heading over to visit tomorrow ya'll night.
He does act very much like a girl as well.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you shouldn’t think of the marriage as losing a sister but actually gaining one…
what gorgeous produce!! i wish i had a garden, too but it's virtually impossible to grow much out here... :((
ReplyDeleteNiel - Hilarious! True too.
ReplyDeleteM - Thank you! My dream is to live where I can have the biggest garden all year round, and to be able to grow lots of melons, berries, pineapples, and even avocado trees. =)
I am stroking my zucchini to all these luscious vegetable pics and colorful comments. Stand back, I think I feel an earth shattering casserole coming on.
ReplyDeleteIt ain't supper without the sauce!
ReplyDeleteOh?! You likeyduh mah special sauce???
ReplyDeleteThems a lot of veggies. Youz must like gardening and making bakery items and such. As I gander about these delightful photos and commentary, I'm stroking my pickle and making a relish.*
ReplyDelete*farkle
Yep. I can certainly see why Isis has a death wish on U.S. You prooo'bly don't know who Isis is, but that's cool. HEAR YE! O HEAR YE!! This’ll help immensely on your journey Upstairs and, believe-you-me, why would you want anything else?? Why should you love our exploded plethora of produce which’ll plant the seeds for you to grow to great heights?? PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK:
ReplyDeleteGreetings, earthling. Not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like for us if ya believe/accept: meet this ultra-bombastic, ex-mortal-Upstairs for the most blatantly deluxe, incredibly incomprehensible, catch-22-excitotoxins, myriads of cogently-ironic-metaphors, sheer guhroovaliciousnessly-delicious-endorphin-rush with pleasure-beyond-measure (to boot), Ultra-Firepower-Idyllic-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué, eternal-real-McCoy-warp-drive you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-rrrock’nNsmmmokin’-hot-deal: PLEASE KEEP HANDS/FEET INSIDE THE RIDE UNTIL WE MADE A CIRCUMFERENCE OF the OUTSTANDING, NEVER-ENDING, THRILLIONTH-RED-MARKER-POSSIBILITIES …with eXtra eXciting eXtroverts doing the most vivid, brazen conGREWnts: flawless as pearls from the Toyster Upstairs!!! Gain altitude, not attitude, and take front-row-seats, miss gorgeous, as the inexhaustible, irresistible intimacy shall blow-your-fragile-mind to peaces. Meet me Upstairs. Do that for us. Cya soon, girl…
PS “It is impossible that anyone should NOT receive all that they have believed and hoped to obtain; it gives Me great pleasure when they hope great things from Me and I will always give them more than they expect”
-Our Lord to Saint Gertrude
Yep. I can certainly see why Isis has a death wish on U.S. You prooo'bly don't know who Isis is, but that's cool. HEAR YE! O HEAR YE!! This’ll help immensely on your journey Upstairs and, believe-you-me, why would you want anything else?? Why should you love our exploded plethora of produce which’ll plant the seeds for you to grow to great heights?? PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK:
ReplyDeleteGreetings, earthling. Not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like for us if ya believe/accept: meet this ultra-bombastic, ex-mortal-Upstairs for the most blatantly deluxe, incredibly incomprehensible, catch-22-excitotoxins, myriads of cogently-ironic-metaphors, sheer guhroovaliciousnessly-delicious-endorphin-rush with pleasure-beyond-measure (to boot), Ultra-Firepower-Idyllic-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué, eternal-real-McCoy-warp-drive you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-rrrock’nNsmmmokin’-hot-deal: PLEASE KEEP HANDS/FEET INSIDE THE RIDE UNTIL WE MADE A CIRCUMFERENCE OF the OUTSTANDING, NEVER-ENDING, THRILLIONTH-RED-MARKER-POSSIBILITIES …with eXtra eXciting eXtroverts doing the most vivid, brazen conGREWnts: flawless as pearls from the Toyster Upstairs!!! Gain altitude, not attitude, and take front-row-seats, miss gorgeous, as the inexhaustible, irresistible intimacy shall blow-your-fragile-mind to peaces. Meet me Upstairs. Do that for us. Cya soon, girl…
PS “It is impossible that anyone should NOT receive all that they have believed and hoped to obtain; it gives Me great pleasure when they hope great things from Me and I will always give them more than they expect”
-Our Lord to Saint Gertrude