Now we can get on with Thanksgiving & Christmas for I.
I am a X-mas DORK of ALL dorks!! I disappear for two weeks just to decorate my house, another two to wrap gifts, look at lights, drink hot cocoa in the snow & every geeky X-mas thing in the book.
If I could walk around in funny elf shoes with jingle bells & a sexy Mrs. Claus costume, and f-ing ornaments in my hair, that would probably be the case.
(What nostalgia makes of us)
I'm not really too into creepy, scary scarecrow children of the corn shit.
Though, I am a crafty geek who enjoys the moods & projects that come with every holiday & season.
And Thanksgiving......
Well, annihilation by Turkey beats inebriation by Meat any day.
Though, it's also just an opportunity for the cybernetic ghost to come back dressed as a turkey, get shitfaced, eat taco pie, and continue his usual holiday rantings of history, terror & doom.
And I may need him this year.
Ya see, I have a list of people who fucked up my turkey day experience one way or another by making it nearly impossible for me to have my turkey dinner, a few years in a row. I got my eye on these people, and if they make any oddball requests of me this year or upset me, getting between me & the turkey, I will lock them in the car with Barry Manilow with the volume knob & doors super glued while I show up at the dining room table like a fn turkey paramedic to be the first one on the scene.
"He's not breathing, oh the humanity! LET'S EAT HIM!!"
"He's not breathing, oh the humanity! LET'S EAT HIM!!"
Did I mention I love turkey dinner?
The song of the day.
Rock out with your cock out & jam out with your clam out.
I can honestly say I've never heard "jam out with your clam out" before. LOL!
ReplyDeleteOh, it's a good one. I couldn't wait to use it once I first heard it.
ReplyDeleteCybernetic Ghost Turkey is one mean mutha. He invaded our place one Thanksgiving. Imagine my surprise when Ghost Turkey cheerfully slaughtered the children and molested my granny.
ReplyDeleteI was flabbergasted.
You can't be blamed for wanting to lock those f*ckers up for ruining your blessed feast event with their outlandish requests. Your plan is grand. I say once you have 'em locked up in the car with Barry Manilow tunes (a fate worse than death), you stick a garden hose through a slightly open window and pump in some fresh turd gravy. That would be a nice Thanksgiving treat for 'em.
I don't remember seeing Alice on the Muppet Show. Thanks for that clip. The little dance he did shortly after the 2 minute mark was funny. I had to get up and do some elf dancing while watching it.
omg Quincy you've never heard JAM OUT WITH MY CLAM OUT!!! lol its so a chick thing that is totally kick ass! lol
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you mama on the decorating thing...well sort of!
I've always wanted to do the whole decorate the hell out of my place for holidays...but I'm hella cheap lol
Just one of the best songs ever. I love the horns & bass line. That's a cool lil video I saw for the first time last year.
ReplyDeleteThat cybernetic ghost is a bitch, and a drunk.
Turd gravy - Well this changes everything. Between basters & things you stuff up the ass of a dead bird, & now turd gravy, I can now make this entire holiday pleasantly obscene.
In the case of the car & Barry Manilow, I could leave the window cracked & feed the dog absurdly gaseous foods then take him outside & lift him up with his ass through the window.
Dog farts & Barry Manilow - It is all over for these fuckers.
@ Falen, I'm sheltered. LOL! I've never rocked out with my cock out and I definitely didn't know that women jammed out with their clams out. I like music, but I guess I've never heard a song good enough to make me pull one through the zipper a la Brett Favre.
ReplyDeleteFalen, it has taken me at least a few years to get there with the decorations, and every year I have to stop myself from a financial crisis I can't afford to be in cause I wanna go NUTS buying em'.
ReplyDeleteI have a sickness with the tree & usually put a theme to it.
Q, I think it's just an expression. lol
But some wild freaks out there may actually literally do so. Hahaha
You are an incredible storyteller!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you! =)
ReplyDeleteI've been told that before, but I can't recall if in writing terms.
Yessss, a fellow holiday nut! I love it! :-)
ReplyDeleteBest line: "...annihilation by Turkey beats inebriation by Meat any day." Love it!
ReplyDeleteLilu, glad you found your way here. =)
ReplyDeleteBecause you know it's true, M. lol. ;~}
Love AC's diddy. And I agree all belt loosening holidays rock in my book. It's turkey time!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey LiliPixi, I just gave you an award on my blog. Check it out and put it up on your blog. If you wanna, as rules dictate but I don't always follow, you must choose five other recipients of the award. Anyone you feel is worthy. No pressure. :)
ReplyDeleteWhoah. No way. And I missed this last night?
ReplyDeleteChecking now. Kelly, you rock!! =)