Letter to My Monkey

Dear Bananaface,

I know I'm about two months late for your birthday, but as the saying goes "Better Late Than Never", and mama definitely thinks it's time for some appreciation here for her snugglemonkey.

I loved my stuffed animals as a kid. I was a strange kid who always collected the weirdest ones - A stuffed raccoon, a blue mouse, a stuffed hot dog.

Yes, you read that correctly - A stuffed hot dog, named Frank.

May he rest in peace. Or more so, may his legs rest in peace, seeing they were ripped off at a birthday party, Chuck Taylor's n' all. The 80's were fucked. That hot dog was fucked, but he was AWESOME.

The problem was, was that my stuffed animals didn't love me.

I guess you could call me one of those allergy geeks; cats, dogs, dust, dust mites, bees, anything fluffy that's not hypoallergenic or non-allergenic, the sap & surfaces of certain plants, etc.

So when I went to actually snuggle up (My favorite thing to do in the whole world with anything like a hopeless whore) into this mountain of cheap, fluffy fur on my bed, no more than a few minutes later would I be shedding tears & itching.

So, it goes without saying that I couldn't get too close with my stuffed animals & definitely not have them near my face.

(Did I mention Popples & shit? Like 5 of em', one inside of another, inside of another, but that's another topic for another time)

Around 4 years ago, on some kind of strange & sudden, nonsensical credit card binge from hell, involving leis, liquor, yo-yos & sandcastle molds, the best lil blessing came into my life - My non-allergenic terry cloth snuggle buddy, and that is an understatement.

I've had a few lost nervous breakdown nights due to leaving monkey behind, yes just like a child.

Though for some reason people seem to think this is cute (even at 28) & this monkey gets a lot of love, respect & attention.

So, back to you my lil snuggle star.

I love the way you:

• Never leave my arms all through the night. Even if I'm just holding your arm & don't have you in a head lock.

• Make a great, awesome, cozy, comfy, snuggly pillow when I'm really in need of one. But unfortunately, don't actually smell like bananas.

• Lay across the front of me with your head snuggled up next to mine if I'm sleeping on my back, & we both have our arms out like wings, but one of yours is wrapped around my head (Like I'm sleeping in a flying monkey freakshow) - "When the head lock turns. Mauled by a monkey in my sleep".

• Can flop & move around 1,000,000 different ways & hug me with creepy velcro hands if I want.

• Your head rests so perfectly under my chin.

• Are always smiling.

  

Mommy's gonna fix your nose & eye, falling apart like Michael Jackson monkey.

All my love. You've been the best.