Everybody's Doing It (My Tale of Terror)

What the hell is scarier than a bunch of insane dead people harassing you from the afterlife, haunted insane asylums, and the horrifying thoughts of what people were put through locked up in these places, some of whom were really f-ed up in the first place, you know, really. Smart.

House on Haunted Hill, no thank you. Clean shorts are my thing. Who the fuck let me watch that?

Onward...

Known as Americas most feared & haunted asylum - The castle on the hill, the palace on the hill, the haunted castle.

(And about a 15-20 minute drive from me. Holy scary shitballs! because I'm such a proper lady. You can see this damn thing up on it's damn haunted hill from one of our malls. Uneasiness on a dreary day, I've experienced that.)

I remember going up the highway one night with a few friends in my car, wanting to get a closer look, as much as we could without leaving the car, and turning around on the highway from the feelings we got just being in the area, that we were seconds away from having those spires off in the distance within our view. We all nearly needed Pampers.

It was 1878 & the State Lunatic Hospital at Danvers, in an isolated rural area of Massachusetts, was erected under the means of housing more of the mentally ill than any facility in Massachusetts, possibly in the entire north east, maybe even in the U.S at that time, and to be the first in such a secluded & serene setting, believing this would greatly aid in the treatment of mental illness.

Said to be the birthplace of the pre-frontal lobotomy, the main building (shown here) was referred to as the Kirkbride building, containing towers on each side connecting it to each of its wings, in which the outermost were reserved for the most extreme patients.

Massiveness, you look so much tinier from this height & view.

"The buildings were connected by a confusing labyrinth of underground tunnels as many of the institutions for the developmentally delayed & mentally ill at the time were designed with tunnel systems to be self sufficient in the winter."

Because putting crazy & unstable people in a tunnel is always a great idea.

 (I won't post anymore interior photos simply because I cannot handle them, but if you do feel like shitting your pants, have a ball at http://www.danversstateinsaneasylum.com/home.html but know they leave out the disturbing details & facts here. Perhaps it's run by an evil villain who wants us all to get fucking haunted.)

"The original plan was designed to house 500 patients, with 100 more possible to accommodate in the attic. However, by the late 1930s and 1940s, over 2,000 patients were being housed, and overcrowding was severe. People were even held in the basements of the Kirkbride."

Reports were made that various, and inhumane shock therapies, lobotomies, hydrotherapy, drugs, and straight jackets were being used to keep the crowded hospital under control.

The few & far between houses of the other local residents were unnerved by the sounds of tortured & screaming patients.

If you were the product of either medical experiments gone awry, or simply outstayed your time on this earth while residing at the asylum, you ended up here...

As

A number in the system failed.

"In 1992, when the hospital closed, the National Guard helped by sending 80 ambulances to move the last of the patients to other facilities. Since then, the hospital has been a draw for other people, including dozens who have been arrested for trespassing on the abandoned hill."

In pop culture 

From Wikipedia

• The hospital was the setting for the 2001 horror film Session 9, where an asbestos clean-up crew comes to the hospital, and they find a series of nine tapes, which have recorded a patient with multiple personalities, all of them innocent, except for one.
• The asylum was also featured in the 1958 film Home Before Dark.
• In the game Painkiller, one of the levels, called Asylum, is based on the central administration section. While the outside is a faithful reproduction, the inside is not.
• The abandoned asylum was explored on the paranormal investigation–urban exploration series SCARED! in 2004 and again shortly before its demolition in 2006.
• The Danvers State Hospital is largely believed to have served as inspiration for the infamous Arkham sanatorium from H.P. Lovecraft's "The Thing on the Doorstep".

It had stood alone & decaying, boarded up, still peering over the city of Danvers, until a mysterious fire occurred in 2007.

I am liking this fire. Burn that haunted, creepy bitch to the ground!! *Popcorn & elf dancing*

I had heard about the following demolition & I was pretty excited for that place to be gone & done, laid to permanent rest with its history, esp. with all the terrifying stories of the local homes nearby.

Like the echoes they left behind was etched into a rock at the entrance of the cemetery for some Boos & shits & giggles.

So, with the crazier of those historical preservation zealots, they did next with the remains what any logical, haunted, BS historical city would do....

Luxury apartment seekers, welcome home! You wanna jump all over this shit while it's hot... 

You know, before the paranormal shit hits the fan.

LUXURY living (Like bringing The Shining back to life)

And look at the gorgeous, settling view from the pool.

I'd be running right over to Maggie's for that BBQ. Armed to the teeth, holy water & onions in hand. (Don't know why I said onions. Vampires hate garlic, so I figured maybe ghosts hate onions. I wonder what zombies hate. Gotta know these things & be prepared).

But you know what..... It all kind of comes together in the end.

These people are fucking insane, and they're living in an insane asylum. Possibly America's most haunted.

So it fits. It works for them doesn't it.

It's not so disturbing anymore knowing sections still stand, because they're totally gonna haunt these fuckers before they ever bother with me or you, am I wrong?

So, I know you're supposed to be shaking in your boots right now, with chills up your spine, maybe scared to walk to the bathroom, and my comical side kind of flew in & maybe f-ed that up for you.

But it turned comical for me that the people who reside there today are still completely effing insane.

So, this is my early Happy Halloween post to you. Don't eat too much candy, throw up too much liquor or molest too many bimbos walking around in slutty costumes waiting to be molested by lil dudes who are out to wreak havoc & molest bimbos in slutty costumes.

(I love slutty costumes. I'm just bitter from being attacked in one by an entire group of boys, being young & dumb, walking the streets like that on Halloween. Learned that lesson. Uh, who let me out like that & at that age as a French Maid with a trick or treat bag?)

More tales of crazy people.

Keep the kiddos safe, and away from insane asylums, and possibly creepy apartment complexes. No haunted & possessed chocolate in my house thank you.

I'll be......on mushrooms dancing with yarn in the woods in the moonlight?
My nickname is Tinkerbell. So, this was my attempt at finding a Halloween image with her in it. Nothing to do with the post at all, I know. 

How About A Mad-Lib Monday (On A Tuesday)...

Because whatever, and I came up with the idea too late in the day, and the sun isn't up yet, and I'm just a rule breaker.

(Or did I come up with this idea? You never know who's already thought up of something.)

So, I got home, did some for fun & these were the classic winners.


So, I started out emphasizing the words I chose & then I just came to the conclusion I'm too demented & that it looks way funnier if I actually don't emphasize, but rather if it's just read naturally.....

Personal Ad:

"I enjoy long, hairless walks on the beach, getting porked in the rain and serendipitous encounters with lizards. I really like piña coladas mixed with pee, and romantic, candle-lit sharks with laser beams. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Wayne Newton. I travel frequently, especially to burker king, when I am not busy with work. (I am a shoe shiner.) I am looking for cheese and beauty in the form of a Hungarian goddess. She should have the physique of Joan Rivers and the hot dog of Princess Peach. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my shoes. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 69 days ago, and I have since become more incoherent"

War:

"It was during the battle of sasquatch when I was running through a corn field when a dildo went off right next to my platoon. Our hooker yelled for us to ass-pound to the nearest trailer we could find. When we got to the trailer we farted to start a fire. As we were starting the fire the enemy saw the rhino from the fire and started honking sweater puppets at us. we all quickly ducked behind the chicken at the trailer and returned fire. we quickly eliminated the enemy and were FUBAR'd that we had won the battle."

Romeo & Juliet

"Two testicles, both alike in dignity,
In fair Hoboken, where we lay our scene,
From ancient shart break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross`d fish tacos take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their water balloon bury their parents` strife.
The fearful passage of their retarded love,
And the continuance of their parents` rage,
Which, but their children`s end, nought could smack,
Is now the 420 hours` traffic of our stage;
The which if you with smoked scrotum attend,
What here shall molest, our toil shall strive to mend."

                                                                                                       

 Okay, I have the humor of a strange child at times, but I get a damn kick out of these things, and yep, it had me laughing just like a child.

What Is Up the Ass of America? (Not What You Think)

Just ask E.R nurses; how I found out what's up the ass of Americans, and the anal um "issues" that some people seem to have. You come to the conclusion somethings up, and not only up their asses, but maybe not quite right upstairs - America has ANAL.ISSUES.

There are so many stories & cases, any of these freaks could be amongst our everyday lives, and I definitely say "to each his own", but some preferences are kind of unfathomable & uh, safety first?

Maybe that's why it wasn't a good idea for that guy who was in the E.R once a month with a foreign object lodged in his rectum to go ahead & add a handful of mercury thermometers to his anal arsenal, his "happy storage space" once the nurses backs were turned, because when the thermometers broke, it was the last bit of excitement he ever experienced.

Strangely enough, many hospitals have what they refer to as "frequent flyer's" who continuously show up in the E.R with different objects where the sun don't shine.

Thanks to some of the threads at AllNurses.Com, we have a good list of insanity to go down.

These are true claims from real E.R nurses.

• Budweiser bottle

• Endless varieties of shampoo bottles

• A jar of Grey Poupon (How in the hell?!) That one ended up with a colostomy.

• A Flashlight. And when the doctor inserted the speculum to take a look, his face lit up from the light inside.

•  A cell phone turned on vibrate

• A hairbrush, bristles first.

• A rumor of a guy with a coffee jar full of drawing pins & tacks.

• Eating utensils (Not too sure of the details on that one, don't wanna be)

• Small, furry animals (Not an urban legend, confirmed)

• The end of a curtain rod

• A broom stick handle

• A candlestick

• Fruits of all shapes & sizes

• Bouncy balls

• Curling iron

• Hair dryer

• Crack pipes

• A butter knife from a frat party gone bad

• Polish sausage (We have a....not. winner. Wtf!)

• "I tripped & fell on a" - lamp post, wine bottle, shampoo, and a roll of paper towels.

• Endless vibrators still running when the patient comes in. They went just a lil too far, if you know what I mean.

• A small pistol (Good times if that shits loaded & goes off - YAHOO!)

• Potatoes, sprouted potatoes (Not a myth, confirmed) - "Every time I read one of these I wonder if the pt ever stopped to think that in order to have the potato lodged in his rectum from falling on it in the garden, he would most likely be naked. If he was wearing clothes, the pants would have prevented the potato from lodging in his rectum.

          Unless he was wearing a dress..."

 - "I can just see that 40 y/o biker type guy gardening commando in a sundress..."

• One of those water floaty noodles, the entire thing, all 4 ft. compacted into his rectum & descending colon. (I had no idea of the possibilities, really)

• Remote control

• Mayonnaise jar (Takes the taco from the mustard jar)

• Man with a rectal cucumber

• An orange 

• "An Eggplant in the Rectum!!  He went to surgery for removal!! I've never looked at an eggplant the same!!"  

• A bottle of Brut cologne

Oddly enough, this list is just virtually endless. It would literally never end....

And some of these medical professionals it simply does not phase, and they get the entertainment of their life out of it, so there is a tidbit of an upside to this in a fn' strange, strange world.

"Anal" Americans, I salute you. Just definitely not with a flag up my ass.

The next time I'm sitting on a park bench or something along those lines, in some heavily populated area, I'll try to be more conscious of my surroundings, and wonder what could be lurking up the asses of the people around me.

The Struggle With Life Choices

 On another more serious note...

This post would get way too long, blah & tiring if I went into great detail & branched off in every different direction for my reasoning, but there are choices I struggle with badly at times....

My natural-born inclination to be a part of the medical field for example here...

 

I have talked, walked & permeated the part since being a 5 year old in a lab coat playing with anatomy & pharmacology books, needing to learn everything there is to know. My friends & family call me "doctor" & come to me for all medical advice. I get frustrated & tell them to actually go see a real doctor after so much questioning.

But it is interesting for me to think about......

I'm into too many different things & this is another issue.

I'm a Biology nerd & I'd be happy as something along the lines of an environmental engineer or horticulturalist as well. 

Something from home is ultimately the most ideal for this lifestyle.

The medical issues I struggle with myself do not make it easier.

On another note, if you plan to become one of the people who would like to conclude that I am eligible to give proper medical advice, feel free to call: 1-800-555-GetYourselfALawyerDoctor.

The number won't work & there's nobody there to answer, but that's what you get for being within the mind frame that someone in a back alley with a hacksaw is suited to perform surgery on you.

Being a Hypocrite on Random Shit Tuesday

But maybe we can turn something kind of blah, but that can be cool, into something a lil more interesting. 

Courtesy of McGriddle Pants

I gave in. I snagged a pumpkin off our porch & went the carving knives.

Not only that, I went & got some cookie cutters for "spooky cookies"

When insanity calls the shots, and Fall creeps up behind you & strangles you, forcing you to celebrate it, maybe out of the f-ing boredom of the seasons of doom & gloom.

And if I really wanted to be effective in creeping people out with cookies, they'd be better off decorated like so...

Not much creeps me out like Liza fucking Minnelli.

As far as the whole pumpkin thing goes, I need a lot of em', so I can really do pumpkins my way...

Sometimes you learn some interesting new things in a Google search.

Also, I think it's time for the urban dictionary to get with the program & add my term "Cuntpumpkin". I'm very proud of it.

And I take it these poor bastards didn't know what to carve.

Though, 10 points for being determined to make it interesting...

This is just fn' wrong. He's causing a scene out there on the front lawn.

Watermelon Woman's gonna call the cops on your coke-raging pumpkin ass.

I think I just completely fucked up random shit Tuesday by not being so random, considering I had mentioned the pumpkin thing in my last post. But the 360 I've taken on it is random enough for me.

My ass is planted here at least for the rest of this month. Might as well give in.